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Why Postpartum Depression is a Feminist Issue

19 Dec

Five months ago today, I gave birth to a beautiful, perfectly healthy baby girl.  I had a smooth, uncomplicated delivery and was immediately enthralled with my daughter. Everything about her – from her little button nose to her ridiculously tiny finger nails – was absolute perfection. Admittedly, the first six weeks were the closest thing to torture I’ve endured: zero sleep, a stitched up vagina, sore nipples, and no mental capacity to do anything more complicated than brushing my teeth.

What was all this nonsense about childbirth “being totally worth it”?! I’m kidding. Sort of.

After those first grueling weeks, which I endured like a champ, I was hit with postpartum depression seemingly out of nowhere. Right as I was sliding into a comfort zone as a new mother and gaining confidence that one day soon I’d be able to hold an adult conversation again, the proverbial rug was yanked out from underneath me.  I spent countless hours sobbing, couldn’t eat, suffered from insomnia, and was convinced my life was over.  I felt like a terrible mother – I have this gorgeous, happy and healthy little human and I couldn’t stop crying or screaming at my husband long enough to appreciate my good fortune. I was crumbling on the inside and, like an out of body experience, was watching myself push loved ones away in the midst of uncontrollable outbursts.

It took weeks of urging from my husband, parents and friends before I relented and sought professional help. Today, I question why I waited. It boils down to one word: stigma. Women are supposed to love motherhood and embrace it with an almost unspeakable enthusiasm. So what was wrong with me?

I’ve spent way too much time pulling at that thread, and while doing so, realized that the stigma associated with postpartum depression is not unlike that of other “women’s” issues: rape, abortion, domestic violence.  Each of these involves complex emotions and they are, statistically speaking, widely shared experiences. However, they are also largely shrouded in silence, with expectations of guilt and shame. The feminist community has rallied around rape and domestic violence victims and has worked tirelessly to eliminate stigma surrounding abortion. And while postpartum depression is a complicated multi-layered issue, its feminist component is coming into sharper focus by the day.

By definition, postpartum depression is entwined with motherhood, which itself is extremely politicized and scrutinized: from how and where a woman gives birth, to whether and how long she breastfeeds, to her decision to stay at home or work, etc. It’s an issue that the feminist community has become increasingly vocal about. So why the silence around postpartum depression?

Postpartum depression is deserving of attention and action from multiple communities, including the feminist community. We need to raise our voices to increase public awareness of the issue, so that women do not feel stigmatized, and demand availability and access to support services. While it is experienced exclusively by women, postpartum depression has a ripple effect; and unless it’s addressed on a large scale, women and their families will continue to suffer in silence.

I firmly believe that speaking out about an issue is the first step in erasing its stigma. So this is me, speaking out and sharing my story, albeit a very abbreviated version.

Have you had experience with postpartum depression?

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Spotlight On: Erin Matson!

6 Aug Erin

Erin Matson is the Action Vice President for the National Organization for Women, where she oversees the grassroots organizing efforts and national action campaigns for the organization, while also spearheading the use of new technologies within the feminist activist arena. Read on for her thoughts on recent successes and setbacks for women, how to get involved in the feminist movement and more!

Q: As the Action Vice President for the National Organization of Women (NOW), your hands must be very full! Since the start of 2012, what, in your opinion, have been the biggest success(es) and the biggest defeat(s) for women in this country?

EM: I see the Affordable Care Act as the greatest piece of progressive legislation in my lifetime. It represents incredible advancement for women. Not just coverage of contraception (which is huge!), but ending what had been an epidemic of discrimination against women in the private insurance industry. The Supreme Court upholding it is the feminist story of 2012. A majority of the majority were women – Justices Ginsburg, Sotomayor and Kagan. And as the first woman Speaker of the House (at the time it was passed), Rep. Nancy Pelosi made it happen.

It’s over-the-moon exciting to see so many younger women rising online and in the streets. It’s audacious, it is creative, it is producing results. Susan G. Komen partially backtracking after cutting off funding to Planned Parenthood and Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell partially backtracking from an invasive ultrasound requirement for women seeking abortion care are two examples of the results. SlutWalks the year before were a sneak preview — I see 2012 as the year that younger women are indisputably seen by the media and the progressive community as holding the reins of the modern women’s movement.

Defeats, retch. Where to begin? Since the 2010 election cycle we have seen a record volume of attacks on reproductive rights at the federal and state levels. Ultrasound requirements, closing down clinics with unnecessary regulations, reopening contraception as a point of controversy for the first time in decades, relentless attacks on Planned Parenthood and family planning services for low-income women, abortion funding restrictions, race- and sex- selection bills targeting women of color, the Michigan representative barred from speaking after saying the word “vagina” in reference to a bill restrictive to a woman’s health, the list goes on and on. Then you have things like what happened with the Paycheck Fairness Act, with every Republican standing on the Senate floor voting to block debate – just debate, gang –of the bill when the vast majority in this country support the idea of a new law to ensure equal pay. And then you have the 18-year bipartisan tradition of supporting the Violence Against Women Act thrown into controversy for the first time, with radical right-wing ideologues leading a drive to actually roll back portions of the law that have saved the lives of countless women and children. There is a War on Women in the United States this year. It is real. It must end. The elections this fall are critical.

Q: What do you see as the biggest opportunity for feminist activists right now?

EM: The Internet is changing the dynamics of power in a really, really positive way. Hierarchies are flattening. It’s now possible for individuals to link up with a global movement and make it hyper-local without passing through gatekeepers. It’s possible for a small group of teenagers to improve a publication that has been promoting unrealistic beauty ideals for decades. This is an exciting, creative time for the feminist movement and specifically for the activists within it.

If President Obama is re-elected, which I know many fellow feminists are working with me to do, I think we’ll have opportunities to push for more progress. I’d love to see a push to get CEDAW, the United Nation women’s treaty, ratified by the end of a second Obama term. We are the only industrialized country yet to ratify, and come on, President Carter signed it and it has been waiting for Senate ratification since a time before I was born!

Q: Thankfully, there are many organizations dedicated to women’s rights activism. What separates NOW from the pack?

EM: The National Organization for Women covers all the issues that effects women’s lives, and we have a huge, independent chapter network around the country that is doing wonderful work every day.

Q: It’s very easy to read about issues and become incensed, but sometimes it seems daunting to actually move from “armchair” activism to active participation. For those interested in becoming more active in women’s rights issues, but don’t quite know where to start, what advice would you give them?

EM: Give yourself permission to try multiple ways into the movement, and see what works best. Sure, attend a NOW meeting, but also try linking up with other feminists online through some of the major blogs, like Feministing. Get on Twitter! Hook up with other local groups in your community. Check out a variety of ways to get involved. Sooner or later something will feel like the right place for you.

Q: Who are your feminist role models?

EM: Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is a model of grace, perseverance and possibility. And the next generation of outspoken, unapologetic feminist activists lights my fire!

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On (Not) Having it All

24 Jun workingmom-you-can-do-it

Last night, I joined the masses of people reading (and tweeting and Facebooking about) Ann-Marie Slaughter’s essay for The Atlantic, Why Women Still Can’t Have It All and am so thankful I chose to spend my Saturday night doing so. While not necessarily ground-breaking, it nonetheless pacified my pregnancy hormone-infused brain, which has recently kept me awake at night obsessing over my choice to start a family before jump-starting a new career path in human rights.

While I deeply believe the “better late than never” motto, I still chastise myself for not figuring out what I wanted to do with my life until my late 20s. If only I’d known out of the starting gate that my passion was human rights work, I could have gotten my Master’s and forged a beloved career much sooner, rather than spending seven miserable years in corporate America. In other words, I’d already be well established before popping out my first baby just shy of turning 31 and I wouldn’t feel tortured over how and when I can possibly “have it all.”

But, as Slaughter points out, things don’t always follow a linear path, and regardless of which path you choose, you face trade-offs. For example, while having a baby now inevitably pushes back my dream of starting a new, very much desired career (cue my latest fear: who’s going to jump at the chance to hire a 30-something new mother in an entry level position?), at least I don’t have to worry about missing my window of fertility and struggling to get pregnant later on. The bottom line is, either way I’d be lying awake at night obsessing over something: starting a family or starting a career.

Which is infuriating, and very much to the point of Slaughter’s essay. Why should I have to lose sleep and feel compelled to choose between two of life’s greatest achievements? And, for shits and giggles, let’s say I do get to “have it all” and land my dream job soon after giving birth. Since when has juggling sleep deprivation, the needs of a new baby, long commutes and even longer work days — thus entrusting some stranger to raise my kid — become the new dream, the new unquestioned standard?  Sounds sort of nightmarish if you ask me, which is why I applaud Slaughter’s suggestions on making the work-family balance for ALL members of the workforce — not just women — more achievable. A shift in our society’s consciousness and work culture is absolutely mandatory for any progress to be made, in order for women (and men) to avoid developing ulcers worrying about moving up the professional ladder at the expense of family or vice-versa.

But as frustrating as I find this predicament — not only for me personally, but for working parents in general — I don’t feel mislead by the feminist understanding I grew up with: that I could have it all, that with hard work and determination, I could be and do anything I set my mind to. While I’m (finally) seeing the holes in this mantra and realizing its imperfections, I still owe it credit. Believing it for so long has propelled me to do, see and say lots of shit I might not otherwise have done, seen or said. Which is why I will be passing it onto my daughter, not as an absolute truth, but as inspiration to achieve everything she possibly can and to fight the barriers that stand in her way of having it all.

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Spotlight On: Jessica Valenti!

19 Apr jessica-valenti

Jessica Valenti, author and founder of Feministing.com, is a major figure in today’s feminist movement who has become a household name, thanks in equal parts to her blogging, books and general badass-ery. She also happens to be one of my role models, so I was floored when she graciously agreed to a Q&A for sherights. Read on for what 2012 holds for Jessica and some wise advice on dealing with “antis” and avoiding feminist burnout. And for more info on Jessica, be sure to visit her website.

Q: 2011 was a big year for you — you transitioned from an editor at Feministing.com to a columnist at The Daily, The Purity Myth Documentary came out, and The Guardian listed you among its Top 100 Inspiring Women. What does 2012 have in store?

JV: Well, thanks! I’ve actually just joined The Nation as a contributing writer and blogger, which I’m thrilled about. I also have a book coming out this fall about parenthood – it’s a look at the disconnect between the ideal and reality of parenting, especially mothering. So it’s set to be an exciting year!

Q: Sadly, it’s not uncommon for feminist bloggers/writers/activists to receive hateful responses from all the “anti’s” (anti-woman, anti-feminist, anti-choice, etc.) out there. How do you personally deal with this?

JV: You know, it’s something I’ve been dealing with for a long time and my strategies have changed over the years. At first I used to try to engage (with the idealistic notion that I could change minds). Then I did a lot of mocking. (See Anti-feminist mailbag on Feministing for some of the funnier ones). Now I just ignore. I’ve found that a lot of the people who are most vociferously opposed to feminism are often just looking for attention. So I think depriving them of oxygen is the best bet these days.

Q: In a similar vein, given the ridiculously anti-woman political climate we’re mired in, how do you maintain your feminist focus without getting completely exhausted and frustrated by it all?

JV: Feminist burnout is actually a really serious issue – folks who do social justice work aren’t just exhausted physically. It’s emotional work  as well. I’m a big believer in conserving your activist energy and using it strategically. I don’t talk to brick walls, I maintain a close like-minded community that I can go to for support, and I consider self-care part of my work as an activist. After all, how can you effectively do the work if you’re completely wiped out?

Q: Who are your top feminist role models?

JV: My cohorts at Feministing. My best role models have been the people I’ve had the honor of working with – they teach me new things constantly, inspire me to do more, be better, and think critically.

Q: If you could give one piece of advice to young feminist bloggers and aspiring authors, what would it be?

JV: That’s a hard one! And the advice would probably depend on what their goals are…. But my most blanket advice would be to find a mentor, if at all possible. I think there’s not nearly enough feminist mentorship happening – especially in feminist writing and blogging circles, and it’s such a necessary thing! So seek people out.

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Thank you, Hillary

14 Mar HRC

I was very fortunate to attend the Women in the World summit this past weekend, where I was endlessly inspired by women and girls from all walks of life, who shared their stories of survival and triumph. I cried no less than three times (thank you very much, pregnancy hormones), laughed and cheered my ass off for these women. From how to use the Internet for activism, to the importance of educating girls, to engaging men in the fight against female genital cutting, this summit was custom-made for me. Or at least it felt that way.

But the most exhilarating moment came at the end when Secretary of State Hillary Clinton took the stage. Quick witted and alternating between humor and solemnity, she very effectively addressed what it means to be a woman in the world today. While her entire speech was captivating, two points in particular struck me. First, regarding the pervasive nature of extremists’ fascination with controlling women:

“Why extremists always focus on women remains a mystery to me. But they all seem to. It doesn’t matter what country they’re in or what religion they claim. They want to control women. They want to control how we dress. They want to control how we act. They even want to control the decisions we make about our own health and bodies. Yes,it is hard to believe that even here at home, we have to stand up for women’s rights and reject efforts to marginalize any one of us, because America needs to set an example for the entire world.”

Thank. You. I find it deeply ironic that Americans repeatedly point to the people “over there” who — gasp! — deny women’s rights so blatantly. While I can drive a car and leave the house without my husband, I still fight against misogyny every single day: for control over my own body, to be paid equally for the same work someone with a penis does, to be free from institutionally condoned sexual harassment and violence. The list goes on. And Hillary is totally right: America must set an example for the rest of the world. But we obviously can’t rely on elected and aspiring politicos to do this for us; we must do this ourselves. And as Leymah Gbowee said, it’s time for us to stop being politely angry about the sad state of affairs in this country. We could all take a lesson out of her playbook.

I think we are moving in that direction, albeit still with some semblance of courtesy. From the recent Limbaugh debacle to attacks on women’s healthcare, we are flexing our collective feminist muscles and showing these jackasses that women are not to be fucked with. But this isn’t a one-and-done situation. It requires us to be tenacious, fearless, and inexhaustible because, clearly, our woman-hating nemeses aren’t giving up.

Which brings me to Hillary’s second awesome point: NEVER give up — not on ourselves, not on our potential. We need to remember that we have an awesome power, and as history has proven, perseverance serves us well. So as infuriating and frustrating as 2012 has already proven, I say bring it on, because we are awakened, we are angry and we are ready to fight for as long as it takes!

Thank you, Hillary, for that reminder not to take any more shit. **Virtual high-five**

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On Being Knocked Up

17 Jan bean

A few months ago, I found out I am pregnant. As I sat and watched the two lines appear on that pee stick, my thoughts went haywire. First, “Am I reading this right?,” followed by “OMG! I can’t believe we did it!” (my husband and I had been trying for months, after being on a post-birth control hormonal roller coaster) and finally, “HOLY. SHIT.”

As in, holy shit, my poor vagina is going to be in shreds in 9 months, and holy shit, I’m going to be responsible for another human being. A tiny little human being who will rely on me for all of her physical and emotional needs for the foreseeable future.

And ultimately, holy shit… now I really get the importance of being a women’s rights activist: I am bringing a person into this world who deserves a level playing field and who needs to understand what it means to respect womankind. It seems to me that this will be my biggest challenge — and hopefully biggest reward — in my journey through motherhood.

As it turns out, I am having a girl, so the pressure to succeed in this realm is on. I have a wishlist for my daughter a mile long, and on top of that list is self-respect and self-esteem (quickly followed by super-human intelligence, talent and beauty, natch). As a woman, she will face uphill battles littered with obstacles that will chip away at these, from the myth that girls aren’t good at math and science, to the dangers of sexual assault, to politicians telling her she can’t be trusted to make decisions about her body, to discrimination in the workplace. And that’s just naming a few. But armed with confidence, positive feminist role models, and the understanding that her vagina is not a disability but rather a ticket to Awesomeville, I have no doubt my kid will kick ass.

I am grateful beyond words for many, many reasons to become a mother (labor and delivery notwithstanding). Chief among them is a reason to re-energize and renew my commitment to women’s rights. My daughter’s future depends on it. I plan to be that mama who totes her kid to feminist conferences, the NYC Pride parade and pro-choice rallies. What’s more beautiful is that I won’t be the only parent doing this — there is a new generation of feminists on the horizon. So look out, Romneys and Santorums of the world… we are multiplying and up to the challenge of taking you on for years to come!

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Happy Love Your Body Day!

19 Oct lybd

Today is national Love Your Body Day. Some may not see the value in selecting a day to celebrate our bodies, but when you consider that 80% of American women are dissatisfied with their appearance, I think it’s a fabulous idea. Every woman should take a step back and appreciate what they’ve got — if not every day, then at the very least, on this particular day.

Women and girls are constantly bombarded with images and messages of what their bodies ought to look like — from Hollywood to the fashion and cosmetic industries, to print and TV ads. Images of thin, beautiful and “unblemished” (ahem, Photoshop) women crop up virtually everywhere, sending the subliminal — if not overt — message that our bodies, faces and hair need constant improvement.

Whatever happened to focusing on what your body can do instead of how it looks?

Like many women, for years I battled with a horrifically negative body image and an eating disorder. To this day, I still struggle with accepting my body. I’ve had to literally re-train my brain to focus on the positives, instead of comparing myself to Kim Kardashian’s figure (and berating myself for not looking like her). At 30 years old, my body sure isn’t what it was at 16. I don’t have a six pack and I don’t wear a size 3 anymore. But you know what? I’m awesome — curves and all!

So in the spirit of Love Your Body Day, here are a few reasons why I love my body: My body can bring life into this world and sustain it. My body can run a 5k and do squat jumps and push ups. My body has curves that my husband loves. My body is healthy. My body has art work that ten years later, I still love. My body has imperfections, but these imperfections tell a story — MY story.

It’s high time we start focusing on our positive attributes. And while we’re at it, let’s call out advertisers and the media that enforce unrealistic beauty standards, sexual ideals and gender stereotypes. To these ends, visit NOW-NYC’s blog, FIGUREatively Speaking and their #notcool page. And if you’re on Twitter, tweet why you love your body with the hash tag #LYBD.

What do you love about your body?

 

Note: This post is part of the 2011 Love Your Body Day Blog Carnival

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Celebrating Women’s Equality Day

26 Aug womenequal

So, today is kind of a big deal. Not only is it my birthday, but it also happens to be Women’s Equality Day (no small coincidence, in my opinion). I’ve been proudly touting this fact for years, but surprisingly, not everyone is aware that a Woman’s Equality Day exists at all, let alone on this particular day. So get ready for an admittedly all-too-brief history lesson.

Today marks the 91st anniversary of U.S. women winning the right to vote, per the passage of the 19th Amendment. Note that I didn’t say women were “given” the right to vote. In no way, shape or form were women “given” this right — they fought HARD for it, enduring imprisonment, starvation, beatings and other injustices. And they fought long.

Suffrage was first seriously proposed during the 1848 Seneca Falls Women’s Rights Convention, beginning the 70+ year-long struggle to secure the right to vote and run for office. Following the Civil War, agitation for the cause continued to increase.   In 1869, Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton formed the National Woman Suffrage Association, whose aim was to secure an amendment to the Constitution in favor of women’s suffrage. That same year, Lucy Stone formed the American Woman Suffrage Association. Why these two groups, if both wanted to secure women’s right to vote? Essentially, the NWSA opposed the 15th Amendment, which guaranteed Black American men the right to vote, as it excluded women, whereas the AWSA supported its passage. Eventually, the two groups merged in 1890 to form the National American Woman Suffrage Association and continued to fight for the vote, adopting a strategy of lobbying individual states.

During World War I, the movement witnessed another resurgence with the National Women’s Party headed by Alice Paul and Lucy Burns. This group, which split from the NASWA, took a different approach to suffrage, focusing instead on a national amendment. After protests, rallies, hunger strikes and an increasing public outcry, President Woodrow Wilson caved and finally made a pro-suffrage speech in 1918. The following year, the 19th amendment was proposed. Interestingly, but perhaps not surprisingly, several states (Georgia, North Carolina, Louisiana, South Carolina) did not ratify the amendment until the early 1970s. But the worst offender was Mississippi, which held out until 1984.

In 1971, at the behest of Rep. Bella Abzug (D-NY), Congress designated August 26 as “Women’s Equality Day” to commemorate the passage of the 19th Amendment and acknowledge women’s continued struggles towards FULL equality.

The lesson? Make noise. Persevere. Accept nothing but full equality. And for the love of all that is pure and holy, EXERCISE YOUR RIGHT TO VOTE! The coming year demands that feminists pull together to vote for pro-woman candidates who will further our equality, not continue to erode it.

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Are SlutWalks Awesome…Or Offensive?

16 May alg_slutwalk3

It seems you can’t read a paper or blog these days without articles about SlutWalks — protests against victim-blaming and rape culture — popping up. I’ll take this opportunity to add to that growing pile of stories.

I admit, when I first heard of SlutWalks, I was instantly conflicted. While I will fight to my death defending the notion that dressing or behaving a certain way is — under NO circumstances – an invitation for rape, I couldn’t help wondering how using a pejorative term furthers the rights of sexual assault victims. Luckily, as quickly as I had become conflicted, I came to my senses. I realized the term “SlutWalk” bothered me because I was buying into the myth of the slut.

This is very alarming. Me, a die-hard feminist whose existence centers on the belief that women have every right to choose their lifestyles, had succumbed to this irrational stereotype. Momentarily, but nevertheless, I had. And that, my friends, is a huge red flag: the acceptance of slut mythology is so ingrained in our culture that it can set up camp in an otherwise sex-positive, feminist brain.

Once I regained my sanity, I realized how genius the concept is. Much like Inga Muscio’s Cunt, SlutWalks are reclaiming the word “slut.” The founders of SlutWalk in Toronto explain,

Historically, the term ‘slut’ has carried a predominantly negative connotation. Aimed at those who are sexually promiscuous, be it for work or pleasure, it has primarily been women who have suffered under the burden of this label. And whether dished out as a serious indictment of one’s character or merely as a flippant insult, the intent behind the word is always to wound, so we’re taking it back. “Slut” is being re-appropriated.

We are tired of being oppressed by slut-shaming; of being judged by our sexuality and feeling unsafe as a result. Being in charge of our sexual lives should not mean that we are opening ourselves to an expectation of violence, regardless if we participate in sex for pleasure or work. No one should equate enjoying sex with attracting sexual assault.

YES! I applaud this movement for its boldness and ingenuity. Despite advancements over the years for sexual and victims’ rights, true success will never come to fruition so long as society embraces victim-blaming. Nor will perpetrators sufficiently be brought to justice if law enforcement — who are supposed to protect and advocate for victims — participate in slut-shaming or sexual profiling. To that police officer in Toronto who said that women “should avoid dressing like sluts in order to not be victimized,” I say try being on the receiving end of sexual harassment or assault and see what it’s like to be called a slut.

The bottom line is that no woman should ever be asked what she was wearing or how she was acting in response to reports of unwanted sexual advances. Rape is rape, period. It doesn’t matter whether you’re wearing a skirt, pants, a low-cut dress or a freaking snow suit. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been drinking or even if you’re considered sexually “promiscuous.” No means no, and the onus should never fall on the victim.

If you are interested in supporting or participating in a SlutWalk, see if one is coming to your town!

*** Please note, this post was originally published on FeministsforChoice.com, where I am a contributing writer***

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Reproductive Coercion is Abuse, Too

5 May DomesticViolence

I caught last night’s Law & Order: SVU episode, which featured John Stamos (yummm) as a reproductive abuser (not yummm), and it got me thinking. How many viewers dismissed the episode, not recognizing reproductive abuse as a real and viable threat?  After all, Stamos’ character wasn’t slapping, punching or violently raping his victims. So how is impregnating women without their knowledge and consent abuse?

The most basic answer is that reproductive abuse is an extension of domestic violence. Men who are physically and emotionally abusive may also sabotage their partners’ birth control as a means of further control over the relationship (“Now you’re mine forever”). This in and of itself may be shocking to some; but what is most disturbing is how pervasive the practice is.

A study by the National Domestic Abuse Hotline found that:

1 in 4 women who agreed to answer questions after calling the hot line said a partner had pressured them to become pregnant, told them not to use contraceptives, or forced them to have unprotected sex… There were stories about men refusing to wear a condom, forcing sex without a condom, poking holes in condoms, flushing birth control pills down the toilet.

Another study, conducted by UC Davis professor Elizabeth Miller, found that a third of women reporting partner violence experienced reproductive coercion, as did 15 percent of women who had never reported violence.

Reproduction coercion is a means for abusers to further entrap their partners in a cycle of violence and control. Think about it: once a child is introduced to a relationship, the ties between mother and father are deepened and, particularly in the case of abusive relationships, further complicated. Now with a child to care and provide for, victims may feel trapped and unable to leave their abusive partner for fear of breaking up the family unit, because of financial difficulties, or for fear of retaliation — or any combination of these.

This phenomenon is not a far cry from what people generally think of as sexual abuse and rape. In both cases, one party does not or can not consent to what is being done to them. Furthermore, the power structures are unequal in both scenarios: one party is vulnerable and the other is manipulative and abusive.

Reproductive coercion is also a very cunning way for abusers to solidify control over their partners, as their victims may not even be aware of the sabotage at play or recognize it as problematic. Scary, right?

So, to recap: reproductive abusers are abusers too. Even if they don’t leave black and blue marks on their partners, they are controlling their partners through coercion and undermining their right to bodily autonomy.

If you suspect you are a victim of reproductive abuse, or someone you know may be, please call the 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Hotline at (919) 929-7122.

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